10 Rules Happy Couples Follow When They Argue

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No matter how some people might try to pass off their relationship on Facebook, every couple argues from time to time. The difference between couples who are happy and stay together and couples who feel bitter and resentful afterwards is the way in which they argue.

In fact, the single strongest predictor of whether or not a marriage will fail or succeed lies in how the pair deals with conflict in their relationship, according to relationship expert John Gottman.

If you want to have a more successful, happier relationship (and who doesn’t?), you should take heed to mind the healthy coping strategies used by happy couples.

Someone once said that compatibility is not always key in a relationship, but dealing with it is.

Want to know how happy couples argue without feeling resentment or bitterness afterwards? Keep reading! We have 10 tips to make things easier for you and your partner.

1. Decide You Will Deal With The Problem

If you are like most people, you would rather run from conflict than face it, but this is not always the best course of action. If the same problem continues to raise its ugly head, make a decision that you will try to face the problem, and deal with it once and for all — for the good of the relationship. Choosing to always run from conflict won’t make the problem go away.

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2. Really Listen To Your Partner

Even when you don’t understand or don’t agree with your spouse, you can still respect them. Try putting yourself in their shoes in an attempt to understand where they are coming from. Really listen to your partner. Turn your body towards them, turn off the TV and your phone, and really listen to what they are trying to tell you.

3. Don’t Attack The Person, Address The Problem

Always remember that your partner is on your side! You should always be supportive and respect your partner, even when you don’t agree with them. It’s easy to become frustrated and call your partner names or accuse them of being the problem. Try to make the problem itself be the focus of your discussion, and remember that your main goal is to find a solution together. If you have to choose between not hurting your partner and being right, choose your partner.

4. Encourage Honesty When Talking

If you fly off the handle every time your partner says something you disagree with, why should you be surprised when they stop talking to you? Encourage your partner to be honest and transparent in how they feel. Make them feel safe when they talk to you. Even if you disagree, you can tell them you want to hear what they have to say and that you will love them anyway.

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5. Know Your Facts

Perhaps nothing is more damaging to a relationship than jumping to conclusions before you have all the facts and ask your partner about something. For example, if you see a text on your husband’s phone from a number you don’t know that says “Meet you later,” do not jump on him, screaming and yelling that he is having an affair. You are going to feel pretty stupid when he tells you that text is from his mother’s new cell phone number. Don’t go looking for trouble. Wait until you have all the facts before you try to fix a problem that might not actually exist.

6. Consider Your Options

You can approach your relationship problems very much like you would handle a problem at work — calmly and objectively. Write down a list of all the possible options for dealing with a situation. Consider which one would be the best option and then present this list, as well as your favorite choice, to your spouse. This might feel silly at first, but what’s the harm in this? A list of options helps keep emotions at bay and clarifies the situation. If your spouse doesn’t like your list, ask them to make a list of their own, and compare them later.

7. Choose The Best Solution Together

Don’t take the “It’s my way or the highway” attitude! You’re a team, so why not act like it?! Tackle your problem together, not by thinking of it as Me vs. You but as Us vs. It. When you put your relationship as your priority and not being right, you can find a solution that works for both of you.

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8. Think Positive

It can be easy to fall into the negative when arguing, but try to look for the silver lining, so to speak. Don’t think that because you are arguing about the same old thing that there is no hope for the relationship; instead, think about how far you have come as a couple, all the obstacles you have overcome, and how much you have learned. Keep a positive outlook and look for the good. Chances are that you will find it!

9. Let Your Partner Save Face

Even if circumstances prove that you are right and your partner is 100% wrong, don’t destroy their ego by rubbing their face in it. You will be in their shoes one day, so how would you want to be treated? What matters most isn’t what YOU think of your partner, but what THEY think of themselves. Allow them to preserve their dignity and save face. Make allowances by saying things like, “I wasn’t sure I was right, but I can understand why you thought X.” Be kind.

10. Never, Ever Withhold Your Love

No matter how ugly things might get, don’t ever withhold your love from your partner. You can tell them that you think they are wrong, you can tell them that you aren’t happy with this or that, but always be certain that they know you still love them. Love is absolutely the most powerful force on this planet. No one wants to do things or change things for someone who does not show love. Be kind. Be loving. You will never regret it.

References:

www.mayoclinic.org

www.helpguide.org

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