How to Become a Zombie in 10 Easy Steps

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4. Filling Your Life with Stuff

Seriously, think about it: do you really need half of the stuff you have right now? Is it necessary to have a blender, food processor, juicer, mixer, smoothie maker, and a special blender just to make margaritas? When we watch too much television or listen to too many commercials, we start to believe that we really need all this stuff. Or that we need newer stuff. Or better quality stuff. We have so much stuff that we have to rent storage lockers for things that won’t fit in the house or garage. If you want to really be a zombie, keep collecting. You will be on that treadmill forever trying to get caught up with everyone else’s stuff.

5. Don’t Ask

Do you follow all the rules? Do you believe everything you read on Facebook? Everything you read on mainstream news sites? Do you believe everything that your doctor tells you? Zombies don’t ask questions, they mindlessly follow the herd.

6. Skip the Gym

Exercise has numerous benefits to both mind and body, but since zombies don’t care about any of those things, hey, time to cut off that gym membership! Don’t worry about getting fat, not being able to keep up with the living, or any of those things. If you want to live life like a zombie, exercise is not important. Only those interested in truly living should exercise regularly.

7. Stay Inside

OK, regardless of what you might see in the movies, zombies don’t like the sun. Of course they can go out, but they choose not to get all the benefits that the sun can give us. Who cares about the cancer-fighting benefits of vitamin D when there are so many different things to do indoors? Sit on the sofa with endless television reruns, Netflix, Internet surfing, and, of course, there is always Facebook to indulge in. Good zombies spend lots of time on Facebook.

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