Why You Will Never Find Happiness

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Most people are told that being happy is a choice. As if it were on a menu and you can simply tell the waiter of life “I’ll have a double order of happiness, please.” For anyone suffering from depression, this statement almost seems like a cruel joke. When your entire world is colored in grey, how can you find that crayon marked “Happy” and simply fill in the color? For the rest of us, well, we have days ( sometimes weeks, or even months!) where nothing goes right, and our little feelings have been wrung so completely dry that is seems as if “choosing happiness” would be like putting Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Instead of thinking “I should choose to be happy”, we need to think “I’m going to create this thing called happiness.” Creating something means you are building a new thing, something that did not exist before, not merely filling in lifeless parts of your life with color.  You can do some work and create something unique and different that will expose spaces within your heart and soul you never even knew were there.

This is something you can do but you need to learn how. It’s not always easy and it certainly won’t happen overnight like some laxative commercial. Too many people waste their time by waiting for happiness to come to them. “After I move out of my parent’s house, I’ll be happy.” Or “I’ll be happy after I finish college.” Oh and how can we forget “After we are married I will be so happy.”  So what happens after you reach or achieve some of those landmarks? Happiness always seems to have moved further off, like the sun on the horizon.

Instead of waiting for happiness to “happen” to you, try creating it for yourself. When you find life sucks, take a deep breath and take a step back. Seriously, it really can be that simple. Of course, happiness has a different definition for everyone so you will need to find yours, but you know what it is.


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There’s a story that says that three women were talking about what heaven would be like. The first woman said, “I think heaven would be like an endless shopping trip at an endless mall. I could get anything I want and there are no bills to pay.” The second woman said “Really? I think I would get bored with that after a while. I think heaven would be like an endless disco. All the drinks you want, no hangovers, and you get to meet and dance with all sorts of different people, even movie stars.”  The women turned to their third friend who was rather the old hippie type and asked her what she would want. “I want to live with the Native Americans, in a big tipi, and make my own clothes and food. But when I get tired of that, your mall and your disco is right across the river, so I can visit you two anytime I want.”

No answer is wrong; you just have to decide what happiness means to you. But when you take a few minutes to step away from life, do something you truly enjoy, no matter what that is. For some it’s painting a picture, for others, it’s a walk by the lake with their dog. It truly doesn’t matter what it is. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it doesn’t have to be productive, just as long as you really enjoy it and it makes you happy.

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