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Why You Will Never Find Happiness
Most people are told that being happy is a choice. As if it were on a menu and you can simply tell the waiter of life “I’ll have a double order of happiness, please.” For anyone suffering from depression, this statement almost seems like a cruel joke. When your entire world is colored in grey, how can you find that crayon marked “Happy” and simply fill in the color? For the rest of us, well, we have days ( sometimes weeks, or even months!) where nothing goes right, and our little feelings have been wrung so completely dry that is seems as if “choosing happiness” would be like putting Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Instead of thinking “I should choose to be happy”, we need to think “I’m going to create this thing called happiness.” Creating something means you are building a new thing, something that did not exist before, not merely filling in lifeless parts of your life with color. You can do some work and create something unique and different that will expose spaces within your heart and soul you never even knew were there.
This is something you can do but you need to learn how. It’s not always easy and it certainly won’t happen overnight like some laxative commercial. Too many people waste their time by waiting for happiness to come to them. “After I move out of my parent’s house, I’ll be happy.” Or “I’ll be happy after I finish college.” Oh and how can we forget “After we are married I will be so happy.” So what happens after you reach or achieve some of those landmarks? Happiness always seems to have moved further off, like the sun on the horizon.
Instead of waiting for happiness to “happen” to you, try creating it for yourself. When you find life sucks, take a deep breath and take a step back. Seriously, it really can be that simple. Of course, happiness has a different definition for everyone so you will need to find yours, but you know what it is.
There’s a story that says that three women were talking about what heaven would be like. The first woman said, “I think heaven would be like an endless shopping trip at an endless mall. I could get anything I want and there are no bills to pay.” The second woman said “Really? I think I would get bored with that after a while. I think heaven would be like an endless disco. All the drinks you want, no hangovers, and you get to meet and dance with all sorts of different people, even movie stars.” The women turned to their third friend who was rather the old hippie type and asked her what she would want. “I want to live with the Native Americans, in a big tipi, and make my own clothes and food. But when I get tired of that, your mall and your disco is right across the river, so I can visit you two anytime I want.”
No answer is wrong; you just have to decide what happiness means to you. But when you take a few minutes to step away from life, do something you truly enjoy, no matter what that is. For some it’s painting a picture, for others, it’s a walk by the lake with their dog. It truly doesn’t matter what it is. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it doesn’t have to be productive, just as long as you really enjoy it and it makes you happy.
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Sometimes you can find a longer lasting sense of happiness by serving others or in small tasks. Serving lunch twice a week at a soup kitchen, or organizing your clothes closet (if that’s your thing) can sometimes bring about a profound, long lasting sense of accomplishment as well as happiness. Read more how to be happy.
This doesn’t mean that sadness or anger or other types of “unhappy” feelings won’t find their way into your world. Life is a circle that way. How would we appreciate being happy if we were happy every minute of every day? The good thing here is that, knowing you can create your own happiness, you will take comfort in knowing that it’s never really far away. It can be temporarily derailed, but it’s never, ever going to be out of your grasp again. Knowing that you can create your own happiness, without waiting for something to happen or for someone else to do something, you will find that life is not only tolerable, but something you can enjoy and rejoice in!
Don’t look for happiness any longer. You will never, ever find it that way. Like holding sand in your hand, the harder you squeeze, the more it will slip through your fingers. Oh yes, you can hold it for brief moments ( like that hot fudge sundae you made last night) but you can bet that if you didn’t create it yourself, it won’t last long. The only true happiness you will ever have it the type you made for yourself. Find out 10 things happy people understand.
Tip: Sometimes happiness has been lacking in our lives for so long we don’t even know where to start. We aren’t sure that anything we could do would make us smile again. If you don’t know how to start, try this: Go do something nice for someone. Go to a restaurant and pay for bill for the elderly couple over at the next table. Mow your neighbor’s lawn when you mow yours. Put a coin in every single parking meter on the block you are parked on. Helping someone else, no matter how small, is one of the best ways to create a little bud of happiness because you will also be helping someone else create their own happiness at the same time.